Loneliness lingers…
26 Wednesday Jul 2023
Posted A cup of poetry
in26 Wednesday Jul 2023
Posted A cup of poetry
in24 Monday Jul 2023
Posted A cup of poetry
inthen honestly I missed everything (you)
how is that possible, then honestly I am also wondering…
16 Friday Dec 2022
Posted A cup of poetry
in24 Monday Aug 2020
Posted A cup of poetry, Revealing Me <3
inWhat is the point of everything?
I suffer, you suffer, everyone is suffering…
If you said you were finding your happiness, is it actually everyone is finding their own happiness as well?
Is happiness what everyone wants?
…
Rabbana aattinaa fiddunnya khasanah, wa fil aaakhirati khasanah?
Doa yang selalu kita panjatkan, memohon kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat?
So, if everyone is in anguish? What is the point of everything?
Why did you bother to start everything?
***
My life will never be the same, I am broken inside, and I don’t see any way out of it. I’m waiting for time to actually heal, but no, it is not it, I’m not there yet, it is still bleeding and I don’t know what to do…
23 Thursday Jul 2020
Tags
Kenangan, lesson learned, lesson learnt, life lesson, Melipat Jarak, poem, poetry, puisi, sapardi djoko damono
Benar-benar sebuah pengalaman aktualisasi diri—meski setelah semua yang telah dilalui.Â
Hari ini saya baru saja menghadiri rapat orang tua murid sekolah anak, membahas bagaimana rencana belajar mengajar selama satu semester ke depan. Meski setelah semua yang terjadi, sangat bahagia rasanya, secara individu sebagai saya, ataupun sebagai orang tua—Ibunya anak, saya masih dimampukan untuk berdiri tegak di sana, memiliki suara, memiliki kemampuan memilih dan menentukan serta dihargai. Continue reading
22 Friday May 2020
Posted A cup of poetry, Revealing Me <3
inIs it fun to you, to see another human being struggling just even to breath?
Is it really fun to you?
Maybe you are addicted to the adrenaline.
When you don’t have anything to do you turn to me, again and again…
Are you happy? Ppfftt… I don’t think so.
You will always be living in the fear that you might be experiencing what I have been through.
It is just a matter of time, you could be me. You could be me.
It is just a matter of time. It is really just a matter of time.
So, just leave me alone.
01 Tuesday Oct 2019
Posted A cup of poetry
inI don’t know what to name this post.
I started this day with bucket of tears even before I fell asleep.
Unconsciously, I feel so drained without knowing the reason.
The reason that deep down is—always—laying on the floor,
of the hollow,
of my soul.
…
Apparently I am not so done about this.
Something is still lingering, and scratching my skin.
And sometimes hurts my heart too.
💔
08 Friday Feb 2019
Posted A cup of poetry
inI could see you but I couldn’t see you
I could hear you, I listened to you, but I didn’t understand even any one random single word out of your mouth
I could touch you but I couldn’t feel the warmth
I did love you but I was only left in pain
I thought I knew but I didn’t
I thought I could see you but I couldn’t
I couldn’t see your dark soul through all these dirty glass walls
7.2.2019
Picture borrowed from Pexels
26 Monday Nov 2018
Posted A cup of poetry
inTernyata setahun telah berlalu, dari titik di mana saya disadarkan kepada kenyataan.
Yang mulanya adalah ketidaktahuan nan lugu semerta-merta terganti pengetahuan buas yang merenggut jantung dari rongga dada, dan menghempaskannya ke lantai begitu saja.
Saya pernah menjadi seperti zombie,
semacam kehilangan jiwa, tidak tidur, tidak makan, bersyukur masih teringat Tuhan.
Ya, sudah setahun sejak saat itu. Putraku saja sudah mampu berlari.
Dari gumaman aaa uuu hingga kini bisa ikut bernyanyi, merangkai frasa,
menjadi teman bicara,
penghibur lara.
Sesekali sesak masih terasa di dada, seperti kehilangan udara, sedetik dua detik, ketika otak kekurangan oksigen, dan seakan syaraf dan sel-selnya mati sedikit demi sedikit, dengan nyeri di mana-mana.
Tetapi, saya tidak sendiri.
Tidak pernah sendiri.
Sampai detik ini pun saya masih tidak paham mengapa. Tidak ada akal sehat dan norma yang membenarkan, perbuatannya seakan tidak pernah mengenal Tuhan.
Kemudian saya teringat, seorang Guru pernah memberi nasihat,
Jikalau ada yang menyakitimu dan berlaku tidak adil kepadamu, tidak perlulah risau, itu bukan kerusakan yang dilakukan terhadapmu, tetapi pelanggaran terhadap apa yang telah Alloh perintahkan.
Hanya ini saja yang kami genggam, hanya ini sajalah yang menjadi pegangan.
Dan nanti,
ketika tahun demi tahun silih berganti,
seperti hari ini,
saya akan mengingatnya kembali,
tanpa rasa nyeri.
Semoga Alloh meridhoi.
Senin ba’da ashar di pembaringan bersama putraku yang terlelap, di tengah hari yang kelabu
November 26, 2018
19 Sunday Aug 2018
Posted A cup of poetry, Revealing Me <3
inWhat is left for somebody like me?
After all that battle? When pride was stepped and crushed into almost nothing?
What left is only my damn arrogance.
My “I am fine” wall is built from nothing else but arrogance.
These days I travel to many places like crazy, I meet deadline like it is nothing, and I face drama after drama after drama.
It is extremely tiring, exhausting and totally draining my emotions, patience.
But what would I be if I didn’t give my best?
I have to give my best. I can’t give up. It is not only about today or tomorrow, it is about years from now, it is about future in dunya and akhirah.
It is about the Faith!
…
I write this post to remind me how far I have been walking, how Alloh will never fail to amaze me in the perfect timing.
What I have to do is keep walking patiently.
…
On my way to Solo, 8:38 pm
atviana