Why would I change now? Seven years and counting… Not even a slight chance! We burnt that bridge years ago…

Tags

daily rumbling, lesson learned

Why would I change now? Seven years and counting… Not even a slight chance! We burnt that bridge years ago…

sedih hati, gundah gulana…

Tags

lesson learned, lesson learnt, life lesson, life story, Ramadhan

Assalamu’alaikum dear readers,

Malam ini adalah malam ke 30 Ramadhan di tahun ini. Besok insyaallah berpuasa terakhir. Entah mengapa Ketika sedang berbaring bersama bocil malam ini lepas jam 10, terbersit perasaan sedih.

Mungkin sedih karena Ramadhan sekali lagi akan berlalu. Sedih karena di empat hari terakhir ku malah g bisa puasa. Sedih nggak tahu mengapa, karena mungkin situasi menjelang lebaran terlalu banyak mengingatkan kepada masa lalu.

Putraku lahir tepat 2 hari sebelum lebaran. Jadinya mau nggak mau, diingat atau tidak, karena sudah terekam dibawah alam sadar, aku teringat masa-masa itu lagi. Enam bulan–setahun terkelam dalam sejarah. Selain itu, momen lebaran terlalu banyak pengingat.

Jadi jujur aja disetiap penghujung Ramadhan dan memasuki lebaran rasanya nano nano.

Bersedih juga karena rasanya belum maksimal ibadahnya. Dan pada ramadhan ini, aku semacam melalui satu pengalaman unik. Semacam sebuah momen kontemplasi religiusitas. Agak sulit dijabarkan secara gamblang, tapi semacam bertanya pada diri sendiri jadinya. Ku merasa bare minimum tetapi dalam pandangan “mereka” Kayaknya kita terlalu religius. Sedih sih. Gimana ya…

Nevertheless, semoga ibadah kita diterima oleh Alloh SWT.

🥲🤲🏻

wasalam

atviana

from pexels

Holiday for everyone (else, but not the dumb me!)

Tags

daily rumble, lesson learned, lesson learnt, painting, water color, water colour

Today is a holiday for Muslims all over the globe. And in Indonesia, we observe this holiday, and no offices or schools are open. BUT, unfortunately, today is not a UN holiday—it is very common, frankly speaking, but today can be added as your own floating holiday. BUT (secondly) I kind of forgot that today is a holiday. And I did not take annual leave today. It left me with an empty MRT station this morning and an almost empty office. Because most of my friends take today as a holiday. I can work from home today as I was working from the office yesterday and will be working from the office as well tomorrow where these two are my regular working from-home schedule… sigh…

2023 in Review!

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2023 in Review, Annual Review, autumn, Cruel Summer, Daylight, Eras Tour, friendship, Golden Autumn, Golden Hour IU, Japan, lesson learned, life, life lesson, Love, photography, Recap, romantic, Taylor Swift, travel

Ah apalah.. apalah…

Assalamu alaikum dear readers…

It’s been a really very long time for me not to post anything longer than 2 lines of my lash-out at something. Terus kayaknya untuk summary of 2023, yang tadinya niatnya mau bikin Reel, kok tetiba ada niat dan kemauan untuk bikin draft blog, ya udah, here we are!

Anw, 2023, samalah ya seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya ups and downs. Lots of stories, tears, laughs, cem-macemlah pokoknya.

Golden Autumn!

Tags

atviana traveling talk, golden, Japan, Japan Trip, photography

Golden Autumn!

Loneliness lingers…

Loneliness lingers…

then honestly,

then honestly I missed everything (you)

how is that possible, then honestly I am also wondering…

Why oh why…

😅

It feels like the only string now is broken

My head is spinning..

feeling blue…

Tags

life lesson

It’s been a week, or maybe more, I feel like sad for no particular reason. Maybe there is a reason, but probably I’m not that brave to admit.

Two weeks ago, my days were a rollercoaster ride. We hosted an event, I had sleepless night for days, and was under so much stress but I went to another city in another country with friends—real ones, not only colleagues. It was like a major expensive sleepover with an ambitious project in between.

The event was a big success, and we were happy. Then it was followed by Eid Celebration. I went home for quite long holiday, with family and good foods. So I was not lonely (quite). But honestly between my busy schedule I was still wondering…

But maybe getting closure or anything is just not my luck.

Now really, I am feeling sad, and lonely…

Maybe it is just my high expectation that ruins me…

Or maybe it is just my PMS period that makes my mood in such a mess…

Saad…

atviana

07.07.2023