High Tide

Tags

daily life, daily rumbling, lesson learned, life

Assalamu ‘alaikum wr. wb. 

Hallo, hallo, it has been almost 3 months for me not managing my only and best outlet of curcol (read: this blog). Yak, flash update: I moved to Samarinda last May, took my maternity leave starting also from May, and directly resigned from my post in UNESCO. Hiks, sedih sih… 

I could say, me working in UNESCO is (still) my dream comes true. Because I have been dreaming of working for UN since I was a kid. So Me parting ways with my dream job is another kind of broken heart. Well, leaving Jakarta–and of course my working routine–brought me closer to my husband. That was the whole point of this sacrifice. *lebay kalik

And somehow, it will be so cruel if I decided to have my baby living far away from his Dad, as bad as if I did not fully taking care of him. For side note, even if I chose the last option, there is no one available to co-nurse my baby while I am working. So it was not an option anymore. Even though I convinced my family and my husband that, insyaAlloh that kind of job will be easily found when I’m ready–in that way, hopefully I could convice my self–however, the worry is still there like a very high tide. 

The anxiety of being less actualized person surfaced when I was contemplating to be full time homey mommey. Yet for me it was the only possible choice I had. Now I am at home, nursing Nara. 

Every decision has its bundle of consequences, like every choice has its own risks and opportunities. That’s life, completely normal. The challenge lies only on how I handle life. That’s it. 

I realize to understand this condition and stuffs, it needs time and I am procrastinating to be there, where I will come to an actualization that being a mom–even not that so perfect one–is actually a part of successful self-actualization. 

With abundant of love,

Wassalamu alaikum wr. wb. 

atviana

let me hold your hand

Tags

Hold my hand, lee hi, lesson learnt, life companion, life lesson, life story, Love

It started when I—as usual—was streaming randomly at YouTube and this song came up and played. Then, I remember the time when we started this all, trying to know each other and trust each other. The time when I barely knew you—and honestly, I still learn to know you more bit by bit, by now. It was almost a year ago.

Let me hold your hand, again and again and again!

 

love,
atviana

postscript: It is always like this. One song is entitled to particular one moment. Once it plays, the rest is just the pieces of memory. 

postscript 2: the location of Lee Hi Run to You this time is Sinchon, I or let say we have many loving moments there. hahaha..

Traveling Talk: Seminggu di Seoul

Tags

atviana traveling talk, bagaimana membuat visa korea, bukchon hanok village, Guri Hangang Park, gyeongbokgoong, insadong, masjid raya seoul, mushola di Lotte World, photography, seminggu di seoul, seoul foliage trip, seoul itinerary, sinchon, the war memorial of korea, Traveling Talk, Travelling, visa korea, visa korea selatan

our first “casually-photographed-holding-hand-pose”

Assalamu ‘alaikum wr. Wb.

Hello beloved readers, how are you? I am just great. 5 months pregnant and still counting.

Postingan ini sebenarnya sekedar melunasi janji personal. Tapi udah diniatin dari awal: nggak akan cukup informatif jikalau mau digunakan sebagai rujukan. Hanya sharing pengalaman-pengalaman pribadi menarik selama jalan-jalan ke Seoul Oktober kemarin.

Saya sudah berniat untuk jalan-jalan ke Korea itu semenjak lulus S2 di 2014. Mulai kerja, nyari duit utamanya waktu itu buat beli skincare dan nabung buat jalan-jalan. Dangkal banget kan ya. Hahhaa..

Nah mulailah planning untuk traveling di 2015 dengan topik mencari musim gugur. Namun rencana traveling tersebut tersangkut berbagai macam kendala. Ya udah batal. Nah pas itu, teman-teman Korea saya menjadi tambah banyak, dan mereka menyarankan 2016 aja jalan-jalannya. Awal 2016, teman baik saya tersebut mengabarkan rencana pernikahannya yang akan berlangsung di awal Oktober 2016. Wah kebetulan. Ya udah saya kemudian iseng-iseng mulai nyari tiket, dan alhamdullillah kemaren beneran dapat promo. Mulus lah ya planning awalnya.

the changing life and its compromise

Tags

daily life, daily rumble, lesson, lesson learnt, life, life lesson

Nah kan benar saja.

Ketika ada sesuatu yang berkecamuk dalam pikiran atau mengganjal di hati, kekuatan untuk menulis blog muncul semerta-merta. Waktu yang diada-adain, ide yang juga diada-adain.

Assalamu ‘alaikum wr.wb. my lovely reader.

Alhamdulillah Januari akhirnya datang juga. Yang artinya sudah memulai hitungan tahun yang lain lagi. Pertanyaannya, sudah ngapain aja di 2016?

Bagi saya, 2016 penuh up and down, nggak perlu diulas lah ya apa aja kejadiannya, pokoknya gitu. Exact this moment I feel a bit down. Belom sampai merasa menjadi seseorang yang gagal sih, hanya saja ada hal-hal yang membuat saya sedikit banyak merasa mengalami kemunduran. The biggest concern I have is, I don’t feel what normally people show they feel during the moment I am trough. And the next concern is about the compromise. Yakni setiap kompromi yang harus saya lakukan untuk setiap pilihan hidup.

Ya, situasinya berubah. Berkembang. Dan anehnya saya tidak—atau mungkin belum—merasakan kebahagiaan yang lumrahnya dialami oleh orang-orang. Atau orang-orang tersebut banyak yang nggak jujur? Well it is indeed different case. Yang jelas, I do feel so different and not normal. And somehow it makes me sad.

Perubahan-perubahan yang terjadi, membuat saya mau tidak mau melakukan kompromi. Yang mana, saya katakan jujur, tidak mudah. Bukan berarti saya tidak pernah melakukan kompromi, atau ekstrimnya mengalah. Hanya saja negosiasi internal/eksternal yang selama ini pernah saya lakukan tidak melibatkan pengorbanan sebesar ini—mungkin kedengarannya terlalu absurd dan klise, tapi begitulah adanya.

Namun saya kemudian teringat, konsep yang selama ini saya pegang teguh: i) Hidup memang sejatinya adalah ujian. Tanpa ujian, hidup bukan hidup. ii) Alloh is indeed the best planner. When life goes not in the way you mean it to be, it means Allah plans a lot lot better journey ahead upon you.

Dan saya kembali dihadapkan pada sang situasi. Dan saya berharap dan berdoa: I really do the power to handle these stuffs smoothly. Aaamiiin. *hold tears back

wassalamu alaikum.
with lots of love,

atviana

entah kenapa lagi pengen throwback poto-poto jaman kuliah

the songs that make me, me.

Tags

life, life story

I know I will sound cheesy, or clingy or anything possibly cross your mind if you know me well. I tend to have unchanged preference in music. It means after all these years, I undoubted still listen to the same songs over and over again. Even though there will be new list added.

Nah, the problem lies with the fact that, every song originally came from one exact period of my life. When I fell in love with the beat, the lyrics and so on, my life at that time represented beautifully by the song. That is—up to today—the main reason why I love a particular song.

Traveling Talk: Ideologi Random

Tags

atviana traveling talk, photography, seoul foliage trip, travel, Traveling Talk

Sedang hujan di luar.

Waktu sudah menujukkan pukul 6, tapi Jakarta masih hujan. Ya udah, ngendon di kantor dulu. Entah mengapa, rasa-rasanya akhir-akhir ini saya merasa melemah jika hujan turun. #eyak. I just somehow feel unwell. Seperti saat ini, semacam nggliyeng-nggliyeng nggak jelas.

Anyway, I think it is time for me to blog something. I want to share my last month’s Korea trip but I have no outline yet.

Biasanya ketika saya membuat Traveling Talk Post untuk trip yang lumayan panjang, akan saya bagi dalam beberapa part dan sampai detik ini saya belum punya outline apa-apa. Ya sudah, lain kali sajalah ya.

Sejujurnya saya nggak terlalu pede sama cerita travel kemarin itu. Apa sebabnya? Saya penganut ideologi random. Apa itu ideologi random?

Begini ceritanya.

The Very Best Planner!

Tags

atviana traveling talk, friendship, lesson learnt, life, life story, Love, marriage, seoul foliage trip, Traveling Talk, wedding

*I planned to post this exactly on October 1^st however with everything that were going on, I just forgot to do so, -wide grin-*

Alloh swt is the very Best Planner, ever!

Wedding Preparation and the Drama! Ah!

Tags

friendship, life, life lesson, Love, romantic, travel, wedding

image by favim.com

Assalamu alaikum, hello reader!

Hari ini H-8 atau H-9 yak?
Gosh, kadang-kadang gw juga nggak ngeh kalau udah bentar lagi.

Yeah! I am getting married very soon. InsyaAlloh. Who is he? I will talk about him on another post perhaps. Postingan ini sebenarnya ingin menggarisbawahi ke-tidak-ngapa-ngapain-an saya menjelang pernikahan, dan rasa—masih—tidak percaya saya soal ini.

Is it really true? Is it even real?

when

Tags

daily life, lesson learnt, life lesson, Love

When you could not retain your anger,
rest of the matters are just complete disasters.
When you can’t value the things precious around you,
nothing really come into you. 
Again.

 

#reallyselfnote

…
You’re the light, you’re the night
You’re the color of my blood
You’re the cure, you’re the pain
You’re the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much
…

menjadi pandai bersyukur, tapi bagaimana?

Tags

bagaimana pandai bersyukur, bersyukur, daily life, lesson learnt, life, menjadi pandai bersyukur, pelajaran hidup

Assalamu ‘alaikum readers yang baik hatinya.

Apa kabar? Semoga sehat-sehat ya.
Saya? Tentu saja baik, Alhamdulillah.

Pagi ini saya tiba di kantor yang hampir katakanlah kosong. Sebagian besar staff unit di mana saya bernaung sedang keluar kota untuk menyelenggarakan sebuah meeting regional yang cukup besar. Dan keinginan saya untuk blogging rasanya mendesak sekali, saking sepinya. Mulailah saya mengais-ngais tiap folder yang judulnya “blog draft” yang ada di hampir setiap drive—portable atau tidak—yang saya miliki. Mulai dari laptop kantor, laptop pribadi, usb stick, HD external yang jumlahnya lebih dari 3, hampir semua ada folder serupa. Sehingga besar keyakinan saya bahwa di salah satunya akan ada minimal satu draft belum matang yang bisa saya kembangkan.