The title is kinda self explanatory.
Di Bulan Ramadhan ini tentunya kita berlomba-lomba untuk memperbanyak kebaikan-kebaikan serta mengurangi perbuatan cenderung kepada dosa. Hanya saja, masih pada minggu yang sama—Ya Alloh—pada beberapa kesempatan dalam keterpaksaan, saya berbicara dusta.
It is not something bad for others, it is really something about me. It is about my current condition which I rather don’t wanna explain. I don’t wanna bare my self, so I lied. 😢
Yet honestly deep down inside I don’t wanna lie.
I am not wired to lie or say bad things. I tend to speak honesty, too honest even sometimes. So this is so painfully sad.
Yeah, you can really say I am not embracing my condition so I lie, I am not that brave to say outloud “This is me!” especially within my proffesional circle.
I am afraid of others pity looks, or gossips streaming behind my back, or worst when people are shedding tears for me. Because I always make everysingle living person crying while listening to my story. And then I will cry too.
I have the right to look okay, to look strong, to be seen as normal happy human being, don’t I?
That’s why I lie. Even tho it is tormenting inside.
I really don’t have any bad intentions behind this, truly.
I am just not ready to face your judgement, pity or anything. I am not.
Actually these below were draft for my post call by Catching Up that I started last week and too short to be posted as one single blog post and tonight I have something else to be shared, so I put these two together.
I just spent my first 12 hours at home after a month away and then followed by 5 and half days straight at home—I am so lucky, my Boss is soo niceee, ane last weekend Yogya Gateaway is not counted 😂—and realized that I have to catch up with my son advance milestones. He speaks almost like adult nowdays, he questions almost on everything, he eats lots lots of food and formula milk. Even monthly he could finishes 3.2 kg formula milk. And you know that milk is not cheap at all cyin. Hohoho. 😭
I just can’t believe it. How grown up he is already.
And thinking about that, sometimes makes me feel so bad. That I couldn’t be with him all of the time. That I couldn’t give better.