not a drama review, it is a personal lesson learnt.
Early of this year, one of my inner k-drama circle bestie recommended a good drama that she acclaimed I had to watch, because: 1. It is Lee Bo Young’s drama, which is usually very good, 2. I love any thriller, tear jerker, and emotion juggler kind of drama. And this drama did not disappoint me. And 3. This was not the reason that my friend suggested, but I found it my self, after episode by episode. I learnt so much from the story, the characters, which I could relate so much: being a mother is kind of a conscious decision that will change yourself for a lifetime.
The drama is about the complexions of mother-child relationships, from Kim Hyena [Hyeol] and her birth mother Shin Ja Young who abused her and Kang So Jin [Lee Bo Young] her homeroom teacher turn to be her “runaway mother”, to Kang Soo Jin and her birth mother Nam Hong Hee who stand for her until the end and Cha Young Shin her adoptive mother who love all her children unconditionally.
The story is developed around a children tale as let say a foundation, which I didn’t realize the whole story, the whole complex relationships between characters were about the tale. I used to this kind of k-drama typical way to tell its audience. However the twist made the audience—or me realized it late, just about the end of the story. The lesson from the tale is that mother-child relationship is hard to break—whatever the form is.
Well, I am not the type which like to give spoilers, so I wont talk about the story. This post mostly is about my personal self reflection and stuffs I learnt from it. And honestly this is the first time I watch K-Drama with a character as a scientist. LOL, you may say, one more reason made me relate to the drama so much.
I start with the quote that still give me ghostbump—very well said by Cha Young Shin, the adoptive mother around the third or second last episode:
It is not when she gives birth to a child a woman will be a mother, but when she is willingly giving her all.
I then directly contemplated. I remember the real struggle I faced on my early pregnancy, the decision I take to resign and take care my own child, and all the things I gave up back then due to my family, due to person that I dearly loved and called as my immediate family. No it was not easy, for any career women out there, I bet, giving up their job—their dream job, is not something easy to do. I prioritized my family even though some shitty persons I called—back then—family just giving their only craps despite of that. However after watching this drama, I realized that, I will not receive anything back instantly. Being a mother, giving up everything is just the beginning, investment of life. You could not directly see the result. It might take years, or forever. Only God knows.
Whatever your choice of parenting style, your children has the full right to be happy, healthy emotionally and physically.
Whatever happened in your life, your children has the right to get your full consciousness, your time, your energy, your love. Those are the packages as commitment of being parents, yet not everyone has this valuable awareness. The senses of children as dunya-akhirat investments and responsibility that will be precisely accounted.
From the drama I understood that, God and family are the all you have when the life problems hit you. If you don’t have any faith to hold on when the east wind comes you could not stand on your ground.
You probably aware to the facts that in our society recently there were so many suicide cases of mothers with their children, I honestly, could empathize. I don’t say what they did solve the problem—or right, but what they did is the result of many influencing factors: less supportive immediate family, unaware community, prejudice on society and excluding God on their decisions. So don’t fully blaming then when you as their neighbors or family, or even community, could not provide some positive environment.
Just like Kim Hyena’s birth mother, as young single poor mother, I believe she struggled daily. She loved her child, but she failed to manage her own life and emotion and she obviously failed to provide warmth and security to her child until one day, she thought that it was better if Hyena was dead.
And you know what, during the 4 months of my child’s early life, I have tried to give my best, yet the hell they created exhausted me, suffocated me—more or less affected my child as well. Those people, heartless people with their self-right claiming of their actions are so damn inhuman. Actually writing this post reminds me of all shits they’ve done. And it angers me.
Nevertheless I try to put that behind. My child now is faaaar more happy, faaar more healthy, showered by abundant loves and prays, he definitely knows who loves him unconditionally.
Alhamdulillah, praise to Alloh, I has a faith in me, has a supportive family and friends so that I could choose to restart and bounce back.
I as well learn to the fact that, childdren are like huge sponges that can absorb almost everything. So what you do, how everyone treats your child will affect him/her for his/her lifetime. I also know this because my baby imitates everything I, or his Uti or his Kung do. So we try our best to give him only good examples. So let fix ourself, fix our false behavior, false acts and lets pray our child will be guided and given bless and hidayah.
See, it is not a drama review.
May Alloh bless and guide us to the right path. Aaamiiinn…