past is in the past,
No place for past in the future—just refer them as that—darn!—lessons.
With a mixed feeling I tried to write this. What feelings? First it has been months for me not to write post. Last post was on October. Hahahaha… Lots of things happened in between. Second, relief. After three years of wondering. Third, hurt. It is hurt for being betrayed, what ever the matter.
The end of 2015 was really a mix. End of year means lots of things to do, lots of reports, lots of project finishing. I traveled to China for the first time also last year-end period. Meeting lots of new person, new friends. My travel to Hainan will be the highlight of the next new post since I spotted something really interesting related to Indonesian indigenous tribes which is at glance—or probably lot more than a glance—is sooo similar with Hainan indigenous people. We will talk about that later in detail *wink.
In this year end, I feel I have got more responsibility and trust from other people in works, friendships, and so on. In the term of work I am so grateful I got this chance in the first place. When I met colleagues and foreign friends, they were so surprised knowing that in my age—and as fresh graduate, they truly can’t believe it—I work for UN not as intern or volunteer but as staff.
In the term of friendship I think my inner circles are growing and multiplying. I mean each of them is not growing bigger, but recently I have many more addition group of friends. That is so amazing, and sometimes I can manage to bring different circles of mine together. For example eating dinner and breakfast with so much fun with my boss, office colleagues together with my thesis partner in Medan, going for a quick weekend travel with my very old friend and my undergraduate best fellas or stand together to defend me even thou they are not in the same place, they are speaking the same language: being my best friends.
These past weeks, a typical holiday for me. A total resting time at home, with some cooking experiments, quality time with my mum and dad in our back yard with my dad’s brand new fish ponds and his mix garden. Really best quality time. Yet, what holiday without any drama?
Spare time lead to kepo, kepo lead to salting the old—yet still bleeding wound. Well whatever it is—or was, let say now I know what kind of person he is. He was never sincere with his heart. He maybe loved me once yet at the end broken me to pieces. However, now I doubt that, was that even true about loving me?
The relief feeling is, it is time to put past in the past. I should realize there is no use to be overly attached with the past. Drive me to nowhere. Past is in the past, no place for it in the future. I should willingly leave it behind. Leave it for sure. Probably I have been talking about moving on for years yet I have done very little so far about that.
Well, it is time to embrace what is upfront. Being solemnly a good person with good deeds, asking forgiveness for sins, being good with family, progressing with my career, traveling a lots, meeting new persons, loving and being loved, being thankful for honest friendships, about being to have them all, to have these whole chances are something. For now and then.
May Alloh always blesses us with rahmah and hidayah.
January Jam: mostly Lessang old songs, GD-Crooked, Gary’s new singles. Perfectly fit the moment.